


He Giveth and He Taketh

by Xenagogy



Category: Hannibal (TV)
Genre: AU, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Medical, Medical Procedure, Miscarriage, Mpreg, No Cannibalism, Poor!will, Sad!will, alternative universe, good!hannibal
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-29
Updated: 2015-08-29
Packaged: 2018-04-17 20:15:16
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,125
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4679891
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Xenagogy/pseuds/Xenagogy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He desires a child to nurture and love. Something of Will’s that will be so pure and good in a cruel world full of evil. A child will also serve as tangible proof of the love which Hannibal and Will share.</p><p>---</p><p>Will Graham wants a baby. After being unable to conceive, he is finally with child. His elation is soon shattered.</p>
            </blockquote>





	He Giveth and He Taketh

**Author's Note:**

> This doesn't have a happy ending. I love Mpreg, but I like it when it is as normal as it can be, so that is what I tried to do.

Will has a difficult time focusing during the lecture. Though he is good at what he does, he has never been the most engaging lecteur. Nonetheless, today was especially difficult for even Will to follow along with what he was saying. His back is tender and sore today. So is his stomach. He chocks it up to his body adjusting to the life that is incubating within it.

 

Will’s students have not noticed. It would hard be for the average person to tell. Will is a small man, so it is no surprise he is carrying a baby that is on the smaller side. At four and a half months he has only gained five extra pounds. His stomach only has a slight curve to it. The only noticeable sign being Will’s belt is one notch looser.

 

Even those close to Will fail to notice. His colleagues really can’t be blamed though. Will has removed himself from the field, so he gets to see them a lot less. Jack is too caught up in Will’s gift to notice any physical change in the special agent. In what Alana fails to notice physically, she notices in his mental state. Alana notes that Will seems to be a bit more at ease. He also appears to smile a lot more. She believes that this is the result of Hannibal and Will being in a good place in the relationship. Winston seems to have noticed though. Perhaps the mutt can smell a change in the human. Or maybe he can sense the happiness which radiates off Will.

 

Hannibal is naturally aware. Will tells him as soon as he finds out. It is coincidentally June when Will is a month and a half along and confirms it with his doctor. He had handed Hannibal a blue envelope one Sunday, confused Hannibal opened it to be met with an illustration of a tie. _To a wonderful dad on Father’s Day_ , it simply read inside. Hannibal was momentarily confused as he was faced with the sonogram picture. It had been awhile since he was enrolled in medical school after all. The embryo had been barely discernible in picture. He scrunched his eyebrows as he read _Happy first Father’s Day “Daddy”_ in Will’s messy script.

 

Hannibal looked up with a bright smile when it clicked “You’re pregnant.” It was more a statement than a question. Although it only showed their baby at 6 weeks, Hannibal treasured the sonogram.

 

Will feels like the end of his class will never come. He ends up excusing his students 20 minutes early. He is elated with what the afternoon holds. Hannibal is attending his 18th week ultrasound with him later this afternoon. It will be Hannibal’s first time tagging along to one of Will’s appointments. If they are lucky they may find out the sex of their baby.

 

Will has attended many prenatal appointments. Dr. Lee insists on monitoring him closely as a precaution since Will is considered a high–risk pregnancy. Not only is he over 35, but Will has had a bout with a serious illness and regularly endures extreme levels of stress. Will is very careful though. He wants this baby so bad. Will and Hannibal had been trying to conceive for a little over a year. Will had become discouraged after nothing had happened, so they had decided to let nature run its course.

 

This is not the first time Will has been pregnant, but this is the first time he is excited about it. The other pregnancy had been terminated almost as soon as he had been made aware of it. It was the correct thing to do. Will was 22 and it had been a stupid slip-up. It was nothing but a drunken mistake in a time of loneliness. Will knows it was the smart thing to do. Nevertheless, the thought has always been at the back of his mind that his inability to conceive had been his body’s punishment for the mistake he had made all those years ago. 

  
Will had already altered his lifestyle in preparation for a baby before he became pregnant. The profiler had wanted a child so badly. For so many years Will battled internal struggles. He feared passing his genes onto an innocent life. Before he and Hannibal became serious Will had never wanted a child. Now he wants nothing more. He desires a child to nurture and love. Something of Will’s that will be so pure and good in a cruel world full of evil. A child will also serve as tangible proof of the love which Hannibal and Will share.

 

Will has not had a drop of alcohol in about a year and a half and he had slowly weaned himself from the field. Though he’s always been active, he has begun taking Winston on walks to the park around the Baltimore home he now shares with Hannibal. He has even given up red meats, much to Hannibal’s dismay. He takes his pre-natal vitamins religiously. He has been doing all he can to give his baby a good start. Even though he knows it isn’t really a baby yet, he already loves his child so much. He had wanted so badly to give Hannibal a child. He had wanted someone to nurture and care for. Hannibal knows he will be a wonderful father.  


“How’s the little one today?”  
  
Will is startled out of his thoughts as Hannibal takes a seat on the bench next time him. Will’s smile is beaming. His body is radiating off his happiness.  
  
“Pretty good. A bit active last night. I haven’t felt any movement lately. Must be sleeping.”

 “Very well, let’s go see our baby. ” Supplies Hannibal as he rises from the bench, offering his partner a hand, pulling him up.  
  
\---

Hannibal follows Will into the examination room. While Will would normally feel guarded about being poked and prodded so often but he is willing to do it for the sake of his child. He also gladly allows Hannibal to come along, as he is excited to share the baby’s progress with his partner.  
  
Will’s weight is taken. Only one pound gained since the last time. Though Will is a bit concerned, he is assured that some people just carry smaller babies and it really nothing to be alarmed about. After his vitals are taken, Dr. Lee has Will stand so that she can take measurements of his growing belly. Will then unbuttons his shirt so she can check his mammary tissue. Will has expressed a desire to nurse the child himself. Though it will not enlarge, his chest has become slightly swollen. His nipples have grown darker and become puffy and swollen in preparation for the task of nourishing the life growing within him. Finally the doctor has Will lie down and unbutton his pants, before pushing them down, along with his underwear, to his pelvis in order to allow access to his small bump. She prods and feels around a bit, noting the placement of the baby.  
  
“Felt any movement yet? ”

 

“Yeah. Last time I was here I could feel short flutters, but now I feel it moving more. Haven’t felt anything today” He supplies. Hannibal does not miss the hint of worry which Will is trying to mask.

 

“That is to be expected. You were fortunate to experience your baby move so early. In fact, many pregnant individuals don’t begin to feel movement until well into the fourth and fifth months of pregnancy. And even then, it may only be brief flutters. ”

 

 

  
Hannibal and Will are left alone in the room as they wait for the ultrasound technician to arrive. Will basks in the presence of his partner, appreciating his small family. Hannibal takes in his surroundings. He reacquaints himself with the equipment which has advanced much since his time working in a hospital.  
  
“Do you want a boy or a girl?” Will’s question jars Hannibal out of his thoughts, grounding him in the present. His hands steeple as he contemplates the question.  
  
“It does not matter, as long as it is healthy,” the answer is cliché, but ultimately it is true. Hannibal knows how much Will craves a child, so as long as it is healthy he will be happy. Hannibal does want the child too, after a year of actively trying Hannibal does feel a bit of a failure when he cannot provide Will with a seed to blossom inside of him. Hannibal is no fool either; he realizes their window of opportunity shrinks with every passing day that they do not conceive. Hannibal has never been particularly fond of children, but he is looking forward to being a father.

 

The technician walks in, taking a seat next to will she announces “Alright Mr. Graham, if you would just unbutton your pants and lower them to your hips, and unbutton your shirt, I can get us started.”  
  
Cold blue gel is applied to his bump. As soon as the image appears on the screen, Will is amazed to see how much his baby has grown since the last time he has seen it. His stomach feels a bit tender and nobody in the room misses the sharp intake of breath as the wand rolls over his bump.  
  
“Mr. Graham, are you alright? It shouldn’t hurt.”

 

“I’ve been feeling a bit uncomfortable all day, but this is painful.”  
  
“Why didn’t you tell me? ” Questions Hannibal, his cool demeanor masking his alarm.

  
“I thought it was nothing. Just thought it was my body undergoing changes, adjusting to the baby. ” Replies an increasingly distressed Will.

  
“Mr. Graham, please don’t be alarmed. I will get Dr. Lee.” Alerts the technician before she exits the room.  
  
Will begins to grow more frantic, “Hannibal, you’re a doctor, the baby’s okay, right? Could you see anything on the screen? ” He pleads desperately.

 

“Will, let’s not get worked up, alright? I’m sure it is going to be fine. ” Soothes Hannibal, clutching his partner’s hand as he rubs Will’s cheek.

 

“Alright Mr. Graham, let’s take a look and see what’s going on” declares Dr. Lee as she enters the room. Taking her place next to Will she begins studying the sonogram screen.  
  
Neither Will nor Hannibal misses the concerned look on her face.

  
“What’s going on? ” Demands a frantic Will. His heart drops before she can deliver the words.  


“Let’s take this to my office”

 

  
  
Will’s heart stops. Ice shoots through his body. His stomach rises. He is suffocating. He chokes out sobs. Tears stream down his face. In her office, Hannibal holds Will, as Doctor Lee explains what happens. She tosses around words like _daughter, spontaneous abortion, a small percentage, complications_ and more that Will can’t comprehend at the moment.

Despite the fact that he had been past the safe zone of the first trimester, Will had lost the baby. He has become an unfortunate member of the small percentage of people who lose a pregnancy that far along.

\--- 

Hannibal stops at their bedroom. The day has been an emotional hurricane. Joy and excitement had turned to sadness and grief. Hannibal had cradled a distraught Will in his arms as soon they had arrived home. Only after Will had cried himself to sleep did Hannibal dare get up. Now, thre hours later Will is not here. It is only once the psychiatrist passes the would-be nursery that he finds his partner.

  
“I wanted an animal themed nursery.” Will shares as he rocks in the wicker chair. In his arms is the teddy bear Hannibal had brought home the day after he found out they were expecting.

  
Hannibal smiles sadly in response.

“We could have painted decorated it with animals, gotten a dog mobile.”  
  
“I would have liked that. ” He stops, taking a moment to reign in the sadness he feels at seeing his lover so upset. Of course Hannibal feels loss, but it is nothing compared to that of seeing his lover suffer so.

“Come Will, it is late and we’ve had a difficult day. ” It goes unsaid that tomorrow will be even harder.

 

  
Will does not miss the medication laid out on the counter while he gets ready for bed. Four white tablets and another two turquoise capsules. The medication is meant to prepare his body to expel the pregnancy’s remains and also to help fend off infection. It is difficult get them down. His throat constricts as his body tries to reject the medication. A feeling of grief and anger engulfs the profiler as he sinks to the floor in frustration. He can’t help it, his whole body wracks as he sobs violently. This is how Hannibal finds him.  
  
Concerned, Hannibal joins Will on the floor, pulling the younger man into his arms. He lets Will get it all out, rubbing soothing circles on his back and carding his fingers through his lovers tousled hair.

 

“I don’t understand. I did everything right. ”  


“I know. You have been wonderful my love. You have been so careful with regards to our child’s safety.”

 

“For once in my life, I was genuinely excited. I knew it was high-risk, but it was our baby. It was a piece of you and me. I guess I should have known better.”

 

“There, there my dear Will. I know it may not seem like it now, but in time we will have the perfect child. ”  
  
They sit there. Will in Hannibal’s arms as they rest on the cold tile of the bathroom floor for a good half-hour before Hannibal helps Will to bed. The medication begins working. Wills body is getting itself to expel the remains of the pregnancy. Unfortunately, this is a painful process. Excruciating cramps tear his insides apart. Will feels like a vice has been placed on his abdomen. Hannibal awakes to find his lover in a state of unease.

 

“It’s the Cytotec taking effect.” He informs the man, “Let me run you a bath,” he insists.  


 

  
Hannibal runs the warm wash cloth over Will’s aching body. He makes an effort not to touch the younger man’s distended abdomen.

 

“The Lord giveth and the lord taketh” mutters Will whose dead eyes stare straight ahead.  
  
Suddenly Will shoves Hannibal’s hand away from his body. With a disgusted look he accuses “How can you be so calm? Don’t you fucking care that our baby is dead? It is never coming back. How can you be okay with that? ” The words bite venomously.

“Oh Will, you have misjudged me. I too mourn for the loss of our precious child. While I was looking forward to being a father. It pains me to see you so distraught. ” He confesses. The words cause Will to begin sobbing.

 

Will stays in the tub for a good portion of the night. The cramping in his stomach serves as a horrible reminder of the procedure he will have to undergo in the morning. He squirms, it hurts to stay still but he can’t get comfortable. He is not sure which hurts worse, the physical pain his body is enduring or the mental pain of losing their precious baby.

 

\---

 

 

The ride to the doctor’s office is painstaking. Although the baby is gone, Will still has physical evidence of what he and Hannibal had made. Hannibal catches Will stroking his abdomen out of the corner of his eye.  
  
Hannibal is not allowed to go back with Will. This makes it all the more difficult. Will has never been a fan of hospitals. He wants Hannibal there for support. The procedure itself is not so bad. He feels a quick poke of the IV in his wrist then a wave of tranquility washes over him.  
  
Will comes to in the recovery room. He is dressed in a papery gown. He is sitting in a reclining chair. His socked feet are level with his body, resting on an ottoman. At first he does not know where he is. Then reality hits him. His hand flies to his abdomen, which is now softer. Silent tears begin to snake down his face; he tries to wipe his running nose on his arm.  
  
A young nurse sees him and comes over. “I know it's hard sweetie,” she supplies, handing over a box of tissues, “you just rest up. Are you thirsty? Can I get you some water?”  
  
“Water would be good. Thanks” Will manages to mumble out.  
  
Will spends the rest of his stay in the recovery room sipping on his ice-cold water, before he is allowed to leave. Will does his best to keep it together. Hannibal greets him with a warm smile before leading him out to the car.

 

\--

 

That night in bed Hannibal ghosts soft kisses over Will’s arms, working up his neck to his jaw. He is respectful of Will’s boundaries. Will does not usually go to bed with a shirt on. He does tonight.

 

Hannibal sinks down into the bed, propping himself on his elbow, taking in the sight of his shattered lover.

 

“I had it all planned out. I was going to ask for skin to skin contact right after her birth. I was going to feed her myself. I pictured her with your brown eyes, but my curly hair. ” Hannibal allows Will to purge his feelings. “I was so ready. I wanted a child so badly. I have seen so much pain and horrible things in my life, but this was going to be something good. I have taken life, but now I was going to give a life. I wanted to rock her to sleep, and soothe her when she was fussy. I was so ready Hannibal, but once again, I’ve failed.”

 

Hannibal wears a somber face, looking up at Will.  
  
“Oh Will. But don’t you see my love? You did not fail. You beat the odds. With everything stacked up against you, you still managed to conceive and carry our child. You are 37 and you’ve had encephalitis, not to mention your work is very stressful. My dear William, it is nothing you did. It is a miracle that our baby survived this long. It was most likely a chromosomal error. There was nothing you could have done to prevent it. I know how much you wanted a baby. I wanted one too. You have come so far. I know you will make a great father”

 

Hannibal gathers Will in his arms, pulling the younger man’s back against his chest. He kisses Will’s soft curls and slings his arm over Will, drawing him close. They fall asleep this way. Hannibal doesn’t tell Will that the procedure he underwent to cleanse his body also has a tendency to leave patients fertile. He doesn’t want to get Will’s hopes up.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading!
> 
> Please leave feedback! I don't have a beta but I tried my best to proof-read.
> 
> I would love to write about Will and Hannibal with a family, but it's difficult to come up with ideas, so if you wanna see something, please let me know!
> 
> Come say hello at my tumblr: xenagogy.tumblr.com


End file.
